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" Seek the truth and run from

those who claim to have found it "

after André Gide

I am Not a Jelly Squirm

November 22nd, 2010

My life is slipping out of control. I am being asked to sign agreements that apply in every galaxy and a chocolate company has been forced to deny any connection with me.

I did a three hour interview on a US radio station called Coast to Coast on Sunday, but first I had to sign a release form – standard procedure, but as with another form I once signed, it carried the heady, amusing and rather megalomanic clause which asked me to grant ‘the right to own, record and use in perpetuity and throughout the Universe my appearance(s)’

If I had been thinking clearly I would have objected, asking that the Pleiades be left out of the contract, but I was distracted by the following email sent by Cadburys:

“Thanks very much for your e-mail. Philip is a Jelly Squirm and its purely coincidence that you share the same name, but thanks for your e-mail its always pleasure to receive nice comments and we appreciate you taking the time to contact us.”

Spotted on the M6 this summer

Spotted on the M6 this summer

They were responding to an email I had sent asking whether they had been referring to the opening discussion in my book A Brief History of Nakedness, in which I explore the different meanings we associate with the two terms – one (nudity) derived from the Norman French, the other derived from the Anglo-Saxon. A friend was astonished to see this large poster appear on motorway service stations soon after the book came out, and the University of Chicago Press pasted it on their blog saying: ‘Have the folks at the Natural Confectionery Company been reading A Brief History of Nakedness by Philip Carr-Gomm? It certainly looks like it from this ad spotted in the United Kingdom.’ All very well, but now Cadbury denies this and embarrassingly if you google my name and click on images, this wretched Jelly Squirm appears! I think I need a Silent Retreat away from all this madness.

7 Responses to “I am Not a Jelly Squirm”

  1. I’d like to thank you for reacquainting me with the sensation of soda coming out of my nose — those last few lines did me in! 😀 My…condolences(?) on being equated with such a sweet, albeit squishy-looking creature.

  2. :0) Jelly Squirms are actually very yummy! He’s got quite a sweet little smiley face. I’d quite like to be a Jelly Squirm. They make people happy!

  3. mmmm jelly squirms………mmmmmm had some in the car on the way home from work……not sharing……..happy!

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